THE BUCKLE KEEPS PANTS UP
TAMPA (SUFFL) -- Despite losing some weight heading into the Super Bowl, Daniel Snyder's Belt Buckle cruised to its first-ever SUFFL championship, the SUFFL statistics office announced Monday.
SUFFL star Daunte Culpepper was lost in the NFC championship game, but the Buckle had the title in hand at the game's conclusion anyway. "When are you sending my plaque?" Matt asked former defending champion and 2000 plaque custodian Sweep the Leg Johnnie, defying the 20th century custom of waiting until after the Super Bowl to attend to the hardware.
Runner-up Naptime needed a strong performance from Raiders QB Rich Gannon to keep hope alive. Instead, Gannon led the team to the Naptime's fourth last-place finish of the year (except for Ha Ha Raja who failed to have a player step onto the field).
Though next year's squad will be boosted by the return of either Culpepper or late season acquisition Marshall Faulk, expectations will be tempered by a low spot in the draft order. The prospect of pick-your-spot makes the team's future even more hazy.
Lisa Holbrook and Pathetic No Names finished last despite strong, involved ownership. "Everything I touched turned to stone, and crumbled," lamented Holbrook GM George A. Ryness. PNN, who likely returns Peyton Manning to the lineup next season, was somewhat humbled and repentant. West Coast Representative Patel conceded, "Maybe those years of trying to rip people off in trades came back to haunt us."
The final standings for the 2000 season are available at SUFFL.com.